So this year has already started out interesting.. and it has only been 13 days. Somehow stars aligned and I was alerted to the fact that my ex-husband got engaged on Christmas Eve. To say I was shocked, caught off guard and a little speechless would be an understatement. I just kind of sat there for a second looking at the words "so and so is engaged to HIM" on my phone screen. I have been divorced for almost 2 years now, and yet the idea of "him" being engaged to someone is very surreal. If you want a back-story on all the divorce/relationship stuff read my past blog posts here:
Well I hadn't really made this news public knowledge until now. I have only spoke about it to a few family members and a few close friends. One, I am sure no one really cares, and it isn't that big of a deal to the realm of the universe or whatever, but in my universe.. it's not that its BIG news it's just weird news. I obviously have all of these feelings about this news in itself, but more firstly, it totally just makes me even more turned off by marriage. Years later now, I have not even tried to date anyone, let alone get engaged and married to someone else. I am not ready, but the idea but he is just feels like an ever bigger disrespect to the whole institution of marriage and exactly why I do not want to get married again. I have never done research, but I feel like there have been studies done that show more men have gone on to get married again after divorce than women. I then moved on to some other fun emotions, like anger. I kept saying how is this fair? How come he gets the happily ever after? I truly do not think he has "changed" his ways or whatever. It is like I am trying to better myself, and it is not the right time for me to be with some right now anyway, but still, I did not do anything wrong and deserve to have my happiness before he does! Right?! All of this started to make me feel lonely for the same reasons.
There was a general consensus among those I shared this news with- their opinions were obvious- that I am better off, and that I will get my happily ever after someday, and basically everything along those lines... and in my heart of hearts I agreed with them in some ways, but none of them have ever been in my position so they do not understand they situation, and cant understand my fingers and where I am coming from. I allowed to have a few feelings about this, as long as I do not set up shop and hang out in them. Which I have not.
All I have to say to him is I hope you get it right this time for your sick and this girls.
And I am not alone. I have my family who loves me and my friends who are there for me. I have a pretty kick ass support system. They let me vent and they crack me up, and they give me the best advice!
I guess what I am trying to say is its okay to have feelings about it. It is okay to upset or angry, but don't wallow in it. Take the high road, and move on- it may be gut-wrenching, what has happened, but it is nothing worse then what I have already been through- and that is a fact! I am choosing to just let it go at this point. I am in a whole new chapter of my life and to be honest at this point this man seems like a whole different person that I do not know, and it is not relevant to my life anymore.
How did you handle your ex getting engaged/married?
Peace & Love
Molly
