Monday, May 25, 2015

May 25th 2013- Year Two


Wow I cannot believe it has been 2 years to the day that my marriage fell apart.  Well I guess it technically fell apart before this day, when HE cheated on me. Really our marriage was done as soon as he made the choices he made, but I found out on this day, May 25th, 2013.  My life changed forever on that day.  Now here I am two years later, and I felt like I would share how I am feeling on this day.  If you are a fairly new reader, you can read about my story and how I felt at the one year mark HERE
Deep breathe.  Here I go.  To be honest, I have been thinking about this particular day for a couple weeks.  I just knew once it hit May that it was HIS birthday month and two days after his birthday, which is well, today.  
I have really healed a lot in the past year.  I lived my life and really just tried to move on.  There were times I was completely triggered and cried my eyes out, but more times where I smiled and laughed and enjoyed my days.  I had amazing times with past co-workers who have become friends- we partied our butts off didn't we guys?! lol  I also went to California this past February and had a great time!  I found my Voice really at my job, and due to the injustices I was receiving I voiced the complaints and because of their reactions I chose to leave my job of six years- my longest relationship ever.  The last part of what I call "my former life" lol.. I say this because I met HIM and then started working at my job within a few months of each other- and it outlasted that other relationship.  I would have never did what I did, standing up for myself and such had HE not did what he did.  I have had this fire about people treating me like crap- and basically not taking neither as much bullshit from people since HE did what he did.  But I feel like I digress.
It really is so crazy to think that this happened two years ago.  Some days it feels just like yesterday- mostly on the days where I am having a bad day, and of course that hurt creeps in.  The rage boils, and of course he is not around for me to yell at him and unload that hurt on him, like he still deserves, and probably will deserve the rest of his miserable life.  
He really did hurt me, and when I think about it, my heart does twinge with hurt.  I mean it is never going to be an event that makes me happy, but the hurt feeling from it aches less and less as the time does pass.  They (whoever they are) are right when they say that "this too shall pass", and that "as the time passes you will feel better".  Because I certainly do feel better.  Other times I miss him, especially when I am feeling super lonely, but mostly I miss the idea of him, a man to take care of me when I am sick or sad. My life has gone on.  I have found me again for the most part.  I am starting a whole new chapter away from my previous work that was also a huge stress in my life throughout my relationship- and since then, and I am triggered less and less.  
Moving on... it just feels good!
The best thing about this day is getting to once again thank my support system in this forum because they have continued to be amazing to me and for me!  I love them so much and everything they have all done for me since this day happened!  They have talked me through my tears and made me laugh!  They are just there for me and cannot thank them enough- and I really believe a good great support system is what makes all the difference in moving on from a situation like this because if it weren't for them there would have been way more tears, sitting alone thinking and dwelling on what happened, and instead they helped me out of the funks!  
Today really has not been nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Well.. to be honest,  I had like one minor breakdown with my Mom this afternoon.  I think I thoroughly mourned the person I thought I knew, and the relationship/marriage we had and lost, but today I was obviously still sad because of the bad memories.  And I am also having a lot of feelings of rejection lately which has made me have a few breakdowns lately, and obviously my husband cheating on me and essentially dumping me for the other girl is a huge rejection! So when I am crying and explaining whats going on and what not- this event is always included.  
 I tried to keep myself busy on purpose- out of sight out of mind- well, you know what I mean- I distracted myself..  I slept in, watched some t.v., picked Nicole up from work- I took Ryder and Turtle with me in the car, then we went and got Subway and I took a shower and hung out with Nicole for a little bit.  Had dinner with the fam bam and now I am blogging.  I basically tried to make this day as normal as possible.  I guess it was good it was Memorial Day so all the kids were home because of the holiday, and I got to hang out with them and stuff.  
In my "One Year Later" post, I had said I was going to get my happy back, and I think in some ways I have.  I am still a work in progress.  I do not trust people, and that has not changed- I am not looking for any type of relationship.  I am super guarded still, especially with new people, and it is still too fresh in my heart for another guy- I literally have ZERO interest!
.  Welp, I guess that is it.  Today was not horrible, but it is never going to make me happy- obviously!  Way better than last year that is for sure.  My life has just moved on past it... So if you are going through something similar, lemme tell you- it does get better- so listen to me- because I can relate- I am not a "they", I am a real person who experienced it!  




On a better note, this day happens to also be Memorial Day.. 
So, Happy Memorial Day!!! 
I hope everyone is/did have a fun/safe/great holiday!  Shout-out to all the troops past and present for doing what you do.  Thank you for protecting our country and making it so we can continue to live on the home of the brave and land of the free! I truly appreciate all you do, and I am so proud to be an American on this day.  





Thank you for reading!

Peace & Love
Molly

Saturday, May 23, 2015

#lafonfamilyvacation

Wow, where does the time go.. Over a month ago the Fam Bam finally got to go on a mini vacation (yes it has taken me this long to write this, first because of my horrible sun-burn and then I have just been super sick with multiple ailments since the sunburn subsided).  In fact if you follow my Instagram you probably saw a few pics I hash tagged with #lafonfamilyvacation  Well, it may have only been a couple days trip, but it was a good solid couple of days.  We drove down to San Diego and stayed at the Staybridge Suites in Rancho-Bernardo, California.  They have been recently renovated and look amazing!  They are seriously like apartments- which is great for people who are staying there for an extended period of time.  I am pretty sure that is actually what they are meant for, but it was perfect for our huge family! I highly recommend them! If you want any info about them here is the link: Staybridge Suites
But lets not get ahead of ourselves because the trip officially began with our 5+ hour road trip in the car to San Diego! The car was packed to the brim.. and I am not just talking about our suitcases.. I am talking about the family haha. Every seat, every crevice of the car was taken up with something or someone.. typical for us, and yet still hilarious all the same. Haha!
The Mario & Cooper T.  brought toys and crayons to color, Heidi had her tablet to listen to music and YouTube videos, Nicole and I snuggled into our pillows and blankets respectively and put headphones on to nap to/listen to music/watch Netflix. My Mom and I also packed snacks and my Dad packed a cooler filled with drinks.  






We stopped for lunch at our favorite haunt just outside of Barstow, California called Peggy Sue's.  It is a diner type with a pizza parlor in the back and like fish and mallard habitat type place in the way back.  They were super busy when we went so while we waited we watched the fish, the birds and wouldn't you know it they even had Turtles in the back area too, until a table was ready.  It was absolutely beautiful, and definitely a highlight of our trip!

 All the food items names are like play on words, puns of famous people, places, etc- I always get "the Tweety Bird" chicken sandwich.. it is soo good. The kids had fun eating, and playing with the food lol..  And while we waited for our food we all took turns playing the infamous peg game... very competitive family in this instance lol..





 







 















 


As soon as we got got to the hotel.. Nicole, Heidi, and I immediately put our swimsuits on and went for a dip in the pool.  It felt amazing to swim around and be free.  The pool felt amazing!  It was super cold when we got out though.  haha.. The hotel has dinner included for their guests on Tuesdays- Thursdays, which happened to be the days we were staying there.  They call it "The Social".  The parentals got us food and put it in the fridge for us since we were swimming during the social hours.. I had some White Wine and a cheese and tomato sandwich on french bread.  It was pretty yummy!


The next day everyone (but me) went to Lego Land for the day.. I stayed back because I knew I couldn't do all the walking through the whole park.  I didn't want to try- or whine through the whole day and ruin it for the kiddos- who had a great time.  So instead I slept til about 10ish and had some breakfast- my Mom had left me food from the free morning continental breakfast the hotel offers. Then the maid came in so I just kind of sat there until she left.   Then got up and showered and went to the place the hotel calls "the pantry" and got some food I would later have for lunch.  I then decided to straighten my hair and take a few cute pics.. I took a quick nap and then had my lunch and watched some television and played on my computer- blogging and stuff until the fam bam came home from Lego Land, and then we all kind of took turns getting food from The Social again and then eating at the table in the room.





















The next day, it was already time to go home.. but not before we stopped for an afternoon at the beach in Carlsbad.  The weather was perfect- sunny- not too hot and not too cold.  The water was super cold though.  I tried to go in once in the EXPENSIVE bathing suit I bought, because I wanted to get its full use in, but due to it being so cold, after one good wave got me up to my chest I was done with the water.  Plus there was a trek to the bathrooms which was kind of sucky- but the bathrooms weren't too terrible.  The kids had fun going in and out of the water though, and playing in the sand with the beach toys.  They even found some other little kids to play with.  Nicole went super far in the ocean searching for shells and other treasures and Heidi wouldn't really go in the water as far, but she found a bunch of cool shells as well.  Nicole even found someones camera in the water.. whoops!  We had picnic lunch on the sand- we had laid out towels had our cooler full of our sandwiches and drinks.  We also laid out and just relaxed.  Funniest part was Nicole feeding one seagull and it caused like ten others to come like surround us for food.  It was hilarious! They would not go away!  The only crappy part of the day was the fact that I did not put enough sunscreen on and got super sun burnt and was miserable for then on- the car ride home was cruddy- I couldn't get comfortable and there was not enough aloe in the world that was helping me! P.S. It was Ryder aka Puppy Bites first time at the beach- and he loved it!!! 





  
 




  











  









  

 



















We stopped in Perris, California on the drive home for dinner at Sizzler.  That's when I saw the full extent of my sunburn and it was pretty bad- like the worst one I have ever had!  I tried to put on a brave face at dinner and I definitely tried to hide my cherry red self under my sweater, but I couldn't keep the sweater on because anything touching my skin made it burn worse than it already was, if that was even possible! 




 


 It was a long car ride home.. I watched a few episodes of Supernatural on Netflix until I lost all reception through the mountains and stuff and then I just listened to music and tried to relax and sleep, but like I said I just couldn't get comfortable from my sunburn.  I was so happy to be home.  I immediately got in my PJ's and literally covered myself in aloe and just chilled by my air conditioner to keep myself cool because the sunburn was killing me lol.. All in all it was nice to have family vacation and and actually get to go on it!  Hope you all enjoyed reading and seeing all the pics from the trip.. this was long overdue!

Peace & Love
Molly