Wow I cannot believe it has been 2 years to the day that my marriage fell apart. Well I guess it technically fell apart before this day, when HE cheated on me. Really our marriage was done as soon as he made the choices he made, but I found out on this day, May 25th, 2013. My life changed forever on that day. Now here I am two years later, and I felt like I would share how I am feeling on this day. If you are a fairly new reader, you can read about my story and how I felt at the one year mark HERE!
Deep breathe. Here I go. To be honest, I have been thinking about this particular day for a couple weeks. I just knew once it hit May that it was HIS birthday month and two days after his birthday, which is well, today.
I have really healed a lot in the past year. I lived my life and really just tried to move on. There were times I was completely triggered and cried my eyes out, but more times where I smiled and laughed and enjoyed my days. I had amazing times with past co-workers who have become friends- we partied our butts off didn't we guys?! lol I also went to California this past February and had a great time! I found my Voice really at my job, and due to the injustices I was receiving I voiced the complaints and because of their reactions I chose to leave my job of six years- my longest relationship ever. The last part of what I call "my former life" lol.. I say this because I met HIM and then started working at my job within a few months of each other- and it outlasted that other relationship. I would have never did what I did, standing up for myself and such had HE not did what he did. I have had this fire about people treating me like crap- and basically not taking neither as much bullshit from people since HE did what he did. But I feel like I digress.
It really is so crazy to think that this happened two years ago. Some days it feels just like yesterday- mostly on the days where I am having a bad day, and of course that hurt creeps in. The rage boils, and of course he is not around for me to yell at him and unload that hurt on him, like he still deserves, and probably will deserve the rest of his miserable life.
He really did hurt me, and when I think about it, my heart does twinge with hurt. I mean it is never going to be an event that makes me happy, but the hurt feeling from it aches less and less as the time does pass. They (whoever they are) are right when they say that "this too shall pass", and that "as the time passes you will feel better". Because I certainly do feel better. Other times I miss him, especially when I am feeling super lonely, but mostly I miss the idea of him, a man to take care of me when I am sick or sad. My life has gone on. I have found me again for the most part. I am starting a whole new chapter away from my previous work that was also a huge stress in my life throughout my relationship- and since then, and I am triggered less and less.
Moving on... it just feels good!
The best thing about this day is getting to once again thank my support system in this forum because they have continued to be amazing to me and for me! I love them so much and everything they have all done for me since this day happened! They have talked me through my tears and made me laugh! They are just there for me and cannot thank them enough- and I really believe a good great support system is what makes all the difference in moving on from a situation like this because if it weren't for them there would have been way more tears, sitting alone thinking and dwelling on what happened, and instead they helped me out of the funks!
Today really has not been nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. Well.. to be honest, I had like one minor breakdown with my Mom this afternoon. I think I thoroughly mourned the person I thought I knew, and the relationship/marriage we had and lost, but today I was obviously still sad because of the bad memories. And I am also having a lot of feelings of rejection lately which has made me have a few breakdowns lately, and obviously my husband cheating on me and essentially dumping me for the other girl is a huge rejection! So when I am crying and explaining whats going on and what not- this event is always included.
I tried to keep myself busy on purpose- out of sight out of mind- well, you know what I mean- I distracted myself.. I slept in, watched some t.v., picked Nicole up from work- I took Ryder and Turtle with me in the car, then we went and got Subway and I took a shower and hung out with Nicole for a little bit. Had dinner with the fam bam and now I am blogging. I basically tried to make this day as normal as possible. I guess it was good it was Memorial Day so all the kids were home because of the holiday, and I got to hang out with them and stuff.
In my "One Year Later" post, I had said I was going to get my happy back, and I think in some ways I have. I am still a work in progress. I do not trust people, and that has not changed- I am not looking for any type of relationship. I am super guarded still, especially with new people, and it is still too fresh in my heart for another guy- I literally have ZERO interest!
. Welp, I guess that is it. Today was not horrible, but it is never going to make me happy- obviously! Way better than last year that is for sure. My life has just moved on past it... So if you are going through something similar, lemme tell you- it does get better- so listen to me- because I can relate- I am not a "they", I am a real person who experienced it!
On a better note, this day happens to also be Memorial Day..
So, Happy Memorial Day!!!
I hope everyone is/did have a fun/safe/great holiday! Shout-out to all the troops past and present for doing what you do. Thank you for protecting our country and making it so we can continue to live on the home of the brave and land of the free! I truly appreciate all you do, and I am so proud to be an American on this day.
Thank you for reading!
Peace & Love
Molly
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